Tears Of The Lions Fants: ‘Substitute’ The Who 1965


In Detroit the Lions roar,
while on the field they pass and score.
The weary fans just scratch their heads,
having named the season dead.
The Lions win one game, and two…
then eight, then nine while losing few.
The suffering fans then scream and shout,
“You need to lose so we can pout.
We’re only happy when we’re sad,
so please go back to being bad.”

What is a Fan’t?

Teams have friends they call ‘The Fan’…
Believe the team can always ‘can’.
The Lions are a different breed,
And victories they sorely need.
They haven’t had too many ‘cans’…
They’ve had a lot of also rans.
Some Lions friends are always glum,
And think their team is always dumb.
They think their team is always “can’t”
That’s why we call them “The Lions Fan’ts”.

Calvin Johnson, big and fast…
Suffers from the Lions’ past.
“Losers then and losers now,
To win a game, they don’t know how.”
“Calvin’s great,” fans often blurt…
“Trade him now before he’s hurt.”
“Just like Barry, Hall of Fame,
but never wins a playoff game.”
Trade him now, you know he’ll skate -
Get extra picks that we can hate.


Brandon is our big tight end…
On him the Lions do depend.
To catch the ball, to block and run,
To fight until the game is won.
But for the fans it’s not enough
To be so strong, to be so tough.
Ninety catches he could make,
And twenty touchdowns, for goodness’ sake.
“It’s not enough” the fans will call,
You dropped a pass, as I recall.”

2013 Week One

“Oh, my Lions, what have you done?
You should have lost, but then you won.
I watched with scorn, at how you start,
So certain you will fall apart.
Touchdowns made and then come back,
And yellow flags we do not lack.
One moment now, what’s this I see?…
Reggie runs; the Vikings flee.
Can this be true? If so, I fear…
We just screwed up our draft next year.


Mr. Suh is quite the man…
He plays the game like no one can.
Two men or three, he still won’t stop
The quarterback he’ll land atop.
The other team will scream and cry,
“Can’t anyone just stop this guy?”
And sometimes Suh might go too far…
His game a yellow flag will mar.
Then Lions Fant’s, who’ve had enough,
Whine, “Must you always play so rough?”

Suh…Part Two

Ndamakung Suh…what did you do?
Did you start a war…or maybe two?
Are you the one who sank the ship,
And caused my kitchen sink to drip?
Hurricanes and storms so bad…
It’s you who cause them, evil lad.
What makes you so bad, so mean?
To hear your name turns children green.
“It’s ONLY football,”  you cry out -
But it’s ALL your fault, there is no doubt.

Week Two: Pre-game

The Lions prowl the desert sands,
A confident and hungry band.
They need a win to slake their thirst
And keep their spot among the first.
Here they haven’t won before…
But history they will soon ignore.
They’ll feast upon the birds of red,
And beat them down until they’ve fled.
Then Lion’s Fan’ts will feel the pain…
Of victory they can’t explain.

Week Two- Post-Game

Week two has come, week two is done,
Our record now is one and one.
Calvin flew, the Lions scored,
Then Reggie fell, the offense snored.
But we’re O.K., and we’ll still fight,
I know next week, we’ll get it right.
“Oh no we won’t; the end is nigh”
The Lion’s Fan’t is sure to cry.
“The only thing I want to hear…
Is who we’re going to draft next year.”

Yellow Flags

On Sundays when the leaves turn red,
I watch my Lions, filled with dread.
Once again, the same old story…
Referees who steal our glory.
For every touchdown that we score,
A pee stained rag does hit the floor.
And every time we stop our foe…
Another flag they’re sure to throw.
While Lions are the jungle kings,
It’s zebras who decide these things.

Week Three: Pre-game

In Washington, things are always changing…
Politicians rearranging.
For Lions teams, they stay the same…
We run in strong and limp out lame.
Bobby, Lem and even Barry…
Missed their chance to make us merry.
Will football ghosts help break our fast…
Deliver us from the Redskins* past?
“We know it’s time to change our ways…
Please, for once, let’s win the day.”

Week 3: Post Game

Reggie couldn’t play today…
So who on earth would lead the way?
Someone had to take his place…
Someone had to win the race.
Ziggy, Nate and Calvin too…
Caught and ran and sacked and flew.
But Joique was Reggie on this day…
He wouldn’t go down, he saved the day.
But Lions Fants, they’re still unhappy…
“So what?” they whine, “The Skins are crappy”.

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